WI Saturday

What a great WI day. It was gorgeous, end-of-summer weather today: ~80F, sunny, with all sorts of interesting clouds. I awoke to Elias climbing into bed with me with a couple of his books "that's OK, Mommy, you sleep." I made him a snack of strawberries and scrambled egg, put on a video, then went back to bed. I did snooze a bit, I think. I realized a different DVD was playing--he'd figured out how to start up a new one, without the remote. Well, it was bound to happen sometime.

I had tentative plans to take him to farmers' market on the Capitol Square, but he didn't want to and the prospect of dragging a 4 year old through crowds wasn't appealing to me, either. So we went to Menard's, where I returned one thing, then bought one item I needed and about a dozen other things. We met one of Elias' old daycare buddies (they asked, then hugged one another--uber cute), then one of my old co-workers (we didn't hug, but it was nice chatting). Then, chore done, we set off for some Babcock ice cream at the student union. Unfortunately, amazingly, they don't sell ice cream until after noon (but you could get beer, I believe!), so we had lunch an

d hung out on the Terrace. VERY Wisconsin. Elias really wanted to go swimming in the lake, but my excuse was that his swim suit was at home--so suddenly he wanted to go home. After the long-awaited ice cream cones, and some admiring of/climbing on the old buildings, we did.

It was a bit of a struggle to get Elias to nap, again, but finally he fell asleep. This let me rest a bit, then get tons done, cleaning the kitchen, mowing the back lawn, and doing quite a bit with the landscaping out front. After 5pm I finally went in and woke him from his sound sleep. I gave him the choice of setting up a tent and camping in the backyard, or going to the lake to swim (his bribe if he slept at naptime). Swim, definitely. We had a quick dinner and were off to nearby Governor Nelson state park. It was so lovely, and at just past 6pm, mostly empty. We had a wonderful, fun time swiming and splashing in the lake, with a great view of the city across the lake on one side, and a beautiful sunset on the other. After an hour we were tuckered out and happily went home.

Days like this make me very thankful to live in Wisconsin. It's such a great place to live. It makes me sad thinking we may have to move for me to find another decent job.

a late, good night

Last night's stalling tactic worked.  Although, it wasn't actually a tactic, but it had the same result:  extended bedtime. 

For maybe a year now, Elias fights falling asleep, and over the last couple months that's incompassed naptime, too.  I'm a firm believer of the importance of sleep on biological grounds, especially for little kids.  He knows he needs it too:  most of the time that he refuses to sleep, he'll keep himself awake by repeating "I'm sooooo tired!" over and over, and when he finally does, it's for the long haul (generally 3 hr naps on weekends!)  His stalling tactics are predictable:  he needs to read another book; have more milk; go potty again; sleep with that favorite toy (lost--but he can go find it!); tuck me in; call Nanna and Pappa; get more food because suddenly he's sooo hungry...and on and on.  It's been a struggle to get him to sleep by 9pm, but lately I've been shooting for 8:15--and, actually, it's been easier because he comes home from his new school just flat-out exhausted (partially because he won't nap there).

I digress.  He was going to bed really easily last night, so I was multitasking during the long buildup (changing into PJs, brushing teeth, etc.)  When I popped back in to crack the whip--so I thought--there was Elias, already in bed with his giant preschool workbook (which I haven't been able to get him to do), calmly, steadily working his way through tracing out all the letters of the alphabet!  I was tickled pink.  Although he's been writing his name since last fall, he's since taken a strong dislike to writing or coloring.  I've tried various ways to coach him, but he'll have none of it.  Since he's so keen on reading and math I don't push it.  But here he was, doing it on his own, and doing an amazingly good job at it, also.  He got excited that I was so pleased, and insisted on tracing out each letter 4 times (like the workbook says), all the way to Z.  I honestly gushed over his efforts, and he ate it up, even coaching me how he best liked me to respond ("say 'yeah!' Mommy!" or "clap now, Mommy!")  Consequently, he didn't get to sleep until about 9, again.  I thought that this well worth staying up for.

I credit his new school for this, too, at least in part.  The last place seemed to be squelching his natural zest for "academic" subjects and was usually presenting things 8-12 months behind where he was.  I had noticed he wasn't as enthusiastic at learning anymore, falling back from his crazy-sponge-has-anyone-ever-seen-a-kid-so-smart era to something that seemed more, well, "normal" for kids his age.  Confident at his still strong independent progress, my hopes for his present schooling were centered entirely on help with social skills.  What a grand bonus that Lighthouse Christian appears to be helping him with "school" stuff, too!  Whether it's their cirriculum, simply the positive environment, or both, I'd better gear up again to be pulled along by his re-emerging genius.

this weekend

Blogging up a storm tonight, aren't I?

Yesterday was "Strides for Africa," a charity walk.  Last year's walk funded a water well in Ethiopia, and this one is to do the same, through an outstanding charity.  (Check them out:  http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/)   Elias and I came in dead last in the 5k walk last year, and upheld our winning streak by coming in a distant last place in the 1k walk.  This photo pretty much sums up Elias's opinion of long walks:

Like the difficult Friday the day before, it was a difficult morning, with him constantly demanding to go home and refusing to walk.  Finally we had a long time out where I explained that sometimes we got to do what Mommy wants, even if it's not what Elias wants, and he's got to learn to share and take turns.  That made him calm and resigned, at least, so we went on to check out AfricaFest.  A big strawberry ice cream mad it a little more bearable, and then, being able to play in a real police car and see police horses finally made it worthwhile for him.  The rest of the day was much better.  With some prompting he even made a flyswitch craft at the kids tent.

 I got him to bed before 8pm and started canning my first batch of tomatoes this season. Then the steam made the fire alarm right outside his bedroom start blaring, and it went on for about a minute before I ripped the whole thing off the ceiling, but he didn't wake up!  That's pretty amazing.  Scary, too.  There's no way *I* could sleep through that, though.

Today, Sunday, he had a good day at church.   I had quite a struggle getting him to nap, but it finally happened.  He fights it so much, but then sleeps so long and deeply!  I had to wake him to go to the play gym with families from our church adoption group.  Upon arriving, he stubbornly refused to join the others to play, or even take off his shoes, even when I did.  After about 10 minute I took his shoes off despite protests, and dragged him in...at which point he had a blast.  He bounce, tumbled, climbed, and ran himself silly the whole time.  His stubborness took on a constructive quality when he decided he was going to learn how to do a running sumersault down an incline:  he practiced again and again, spending about a third of his time there, carefully heeding my few instructions and with alternating looks of determination then elation as he approached and completed each run.  Afterwards they had cupcakes and took a great group photo.

2 weeks after "What a Week"

I unloaded a few big issues on a blog a couple weeks back that need a follow-up.  First, the new pump for my well is working just fine, although the changeover managed to clog my clothes washer cold water inlet, and the $2000 bill is still outstanding.  Second, my big audits at work are now behind me, and we (I) passed with flying colors!  Whew and yea.  (And, incidentally, I just heard from the IRS that they're accepting my original filing after auditing me for adoption expenses 3 years ago!)  Thirdly, I still have a job, although my company is still out of money.  We're waiting to hear back from a VC firm who's evaluating us (I've been referring to our point of contact as Obi-Wan), and the general consensus is that if they don't decide to take controlling interest in a couple weeks, AovaTech will cease to exist.  I sure hope to get a September paycheck.  I've been rather sad at the prospect of moving (even assuming I would be offered this other job with the consulting firm near Louisville), but mostly have been blocking it out from my thinking.

The big stressor of that week, though, was Elias' daycare situation.  I decided to go with Lighthouse Christian School and am SO happy with them!  The first day I was so worried and set up shop outside the school, working on my laptop in case they needed me.  After 10 min of shyness, though, Elias set out to impress his new teacher by writing his name on the chalkboard and spelling words for her.  When the class all left to go to the park, Elias just said "bye, Mom" and marched off with them!  Sitting there watching him go I had such a sense of peace and thankfulness that God is obviously watching over us.  I ended up packing up and going in to work, confident he was in good hands.  That night, unbidden, he prayed for his new teacher.  That whole week I heard amazing, good reports.  He even brought home an art project the second day--and it's been many months since he's done that.  He'd at times threatened to be obstinate or negative or throw things or talk rudely, but the two teachers there are incredibly skilled and said they diverted him back on track very easily.  I saw an immediate change at home, too:  we're both so much more relaxed and happy. He's more willing to talk about his day now, and when he does it's about the great things that happened, not a recital of the things he did wrong.  Praise God! Not to say that everything's perfect--on Friday he adamantly refused to walk to the bus stop to go to the water park, although beforehand was excited about the prospect.  (It took about 15 minutes to get him out of the parking lot, after which I left and spied on them from the car.)  Yet, it's a dramatic improvement.  With my work situation, it's an added blessing that this new, wonderful, Christian school is only about 1/2 the cost of his previous daycare.  Thank you all who've been praying for this situation; they've indeed been answered in abundance.

more birthday tidbits

It's been a week now since Elias' birthday BBQ, and I'm finally getting to posting a bit about it.,

I think it went really well:  lots of people came and they seemed to be enjoying themselves.  Some of the kids were shocked that we had cake and ice cream BEFORE dinner.  Elias liked it too, but usually played along the fringes with one or two other kids, which was just fine.  I was very proud seeing him at one point get very mad at another little boy for stealing his train, and instead of throwing a fit or fighting for it, he just got up and stomped away, muttering, stewed a couple seconds, then went right back to the train table and started calmly and happily playing alongside the same boy again.  Way to go on the coping skills, Dude!

The hit of the party were the chickens.  Trying to find something they'd eat was a challenge many took on, but when they became outnumbered my 4 hens prudently retreated to the cover of the pine trees.  They'd eat corn offered them, but were generally careful to keep an escape route open just in case.

After most people left, Elias and two of his friends played in the sprinklers while their mom and I got to relax and talk a bit.  At one point she went to get something from their car, and Elias asked "Where's Mom going?"  to which I said "I'm right here, Elias!" and he said "No, I mean the other mom."  Then he and one of the brothers--the corn buddies--finished off all the many remaining ears of corn.

Elias said something quite striking at the very end of the day.  When everyone was gone and we were coming in from putting away the chickens, he said "I had fun with my new friend J today.  J and I are the same color."  "What'd you say?" I said.  "J and I are the same color."  Oh.  Well, yes (he's from Ethiopia also), but I hadn't thought it mattered to Elias.  Well maybe it doesn't matter in any big sense, but in his eyes it is noteworthy.  Hmm.  Actually I thought he was having more fun playing with J's brother, who is white and nearer his age, but at that point I guess he was recalling his kinship with J more strongly.  It's another reason I'm thankful we're in Madison; opportunities to interact with kids that look like him (and those that reflect the whole spectrum of mankind) are much more plentiful here than in most places in the country.  It's a good thing.

joke

Elias has been telling his favorite joke lately.  He actually came up with it many months ago but it's recently found new life.  Here it is:

Thomas and Toby brought HOT as a present!   (Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

Get it?

Elias quotes his books nearly continuously (it makes up a good portion of everyday conversation).  When he first encountered the sentence "Thomas and Toby brought coal as a present" (which makes sense if you know that these guys are steam trains), he misunderstood "coal" as "cold" and was confused.  When I explained it was COAL not "cold," he immediately insisted it was "cold," which doesn't make sense, and is therefore hilarious.  Now, extending the wordplay, he often replaces "cold" with "hot" which is even more obscure, and even more funny.  Apparently punsterism strikes early. 

Birthday rundown

Elias is FOUR years old!  That's:

We had his big party on Sunday, but today is his actual birthday.  Today Elias brought his very first bagged lunch to school.  After dinner he took his new stomprocket (he opened a few presents early!) outside along with his ice cream cone, asking Mom to hold it between launches.  Then he invited me to peek into the neighboring cornfield, then led me on quite the trek through it.  Neat stuff. 

I tried to get him excited to finally open his big pile of presents.  He very happily opened his first pick:  a tag reader from my parents.  He's pretty happy with anything Leapfrog, but it takes lots of set-up time to work, so he picked out another and slowwwly opened it:  a puzzle.  He loved it so insisted on dropping everything and doing it right away.  Next up:  letter magnets.  Again he had to try them out, then spell several words on the refrigerator.  By then it was getting pretty late, so we had a fancy cupcake and more ice cream.  He was so tired he went to his bedroom and lay down and "read" himself a Thomas book.  Then he switched to a poetry book.  (He loves poetry--pretty neat, eh?) After letting me finish reading it I told him I love him, and God loves him, and Nanna & Pappa love him, and...(you get the idea) he gently fell asleep.

I guess all those other presents are going to have to wait until tomorrow!

State Fair

In contrast to my last post, this is a snippet of our day at the Wisconsin State Fair.  I think this was Elias' longest roadtrip, and he did just great, even though most the time it was obvious that I like fairs more than he does.

what a week

What a horrible week.  Last week, that is.  I was too tired to blog about it when it was happening.

Mainly, I discovered Elias has been having a horrible time at daycare.  I feel guilty and very angry at myself for not waking up and getting him out of there months ago.  In spring we went through a rough time, compounded by me being severely sick for over 2 weeks.  However, I thought that was over.  He was certainly showing steadily better behavior at home, and I thought the hard stuff at school (not being able to sit still, running and yelling, not listening, pushing teachers, rarely participating in group projects) was also extinguishing.  I was getting more glowing reports than the dreaded "Elias has a rough day." Then 3 weeks ago the Teacher A asked if something had happened at home, since once again his behavior was bad...but maybe it was just because she and his other regular teachers were on vacation the week before.  Well, that continued for another week, and worsened.  We had a conference to discuss other tactics, and I took it very seriously and scheduled appointments with his physician, a behaviorist, and a psychiatrist, as well as take a much closer look at how he behaves in all non-daycare situations.  I realize now that at that point they had given up on Elias.  They didn't listen to me at all (they, after all, are professionals.  I am just an old, misfit, single mother of one.) and I found out they'd never even tried any of my simple hints, or those of the school therapist who came in the spring.  In fact, they stumbled upon something that inflamed his behavior, and hammered on that harder and harder, just setting him up for failure.  Many were "no-win" situations for him.  Teacher A was openly hostile to me and gave odd, inconsistent reports.  Yet I had gone on believing I was partnering with them (the experts) to make it better.  I was called to pick him up after 1.5 hr on Tuesday because they couldn't handle him.  He was a model kid before school, and then all during the long boring day at my office (because I had a critical project and nowhere else to take him).  I feel foolish for the trust and belief I put in them, and guilty that I failed to protect him as I should have.  I feel there's a lot of damage to undo, mostly in his self-perception as a "bad boy" that I heard espoused directly by his peers and via euphemism by his teachers and the director.  Also, too, that he has now learned that he can be rude and defiant and even physical with adults and totally get away with it. Ugh.  I'm so sorry, Elias!  We can still undo this, but it's not going to be easy or pretty. 

So, that was Major Stress Item #1, about a year's worth, actually.  Ah, but other practicalities butt in, too.  First off, I had to find another daycare ASAP--not easy when the good ones usually have waiting lists and just before the school year starts.  Then, I'm in the middle of our 2 giant Quality Systems audits at work which I'm responsible for and for which my coworkers are lending virtually no support, and occasional griping.  I gave up my 8-month quest to address some of my long-standing health issues.  A nice little add-on is terribly hot and muggy weather and nasty annoying allergies, which have struck me this year for the first time.  My company is basically out of money and this time there's no savior in sight, and Friday my worst thoughts on that were confirmed by another coworker.  Also that day I heard back that the company I turned down in January is no longer in a position to hire, leaving my only other job prospect one that is out-of-state...and I need to get back to them to ensure it remains a viable option.  How I dread moving with Elias.  Then, on Saturday morning when the week's end was in sight, we awoke to discover we had no water:  our house well had died.

Have I painted a bleak enough picture?

Well, the amazing thing is, with all this going on, it was also a wonderful week!  Yes, really!  God is good!  Despite the terrible anxiety and guilt regarding his daycare difficulties, I have a clear path forward and am finally doing something to address the problem.  It was a tremendous relief to discover, after researching and visiting 3 other centers, that there are lots of good schooling options (whereas I'd come to the opposite conclusion 3 years ago when starting with this place.)  All 3 of my top picks surprisingly each has 1-2 slots still open for 4yr olds. My finances will be in serious trouble when/if I loose my job this month, but I took precautions against this in early spring.  God will provide for us, as He always has, even when the means by which it would be done remain a mystery to me.  Mostly, though, it was a wonderful week because of all the time I spent with my son.  He is utterly delightful, and I have a new found clarity and appreciation of that.  All week he's been tripping all over himself to be helpful, engaging and polite.  Plus, he's still his own fearless, hyper, thoughtful self, which is wonderful to behold.  I am so thankful he did not become a docile daycare drone.  He's also rekindled his passion for reading which had been flagging, constantly spelling out signs he sees and asking me what they say.  There were just 3 or 4 incidences where the behavior reported from school tried to bleed into home life, but these were immediately nipped in the bud, so instead of spiraling downward, he just clicked back into "good" mode right away.  That's been very reassuring as a parent.  Also reassuring is concluding that most of his troubles are just in the context of that school.  He's been more talkative and cheery this week.  He just eats up praise, which is good to see, but also saddens me that he's been getting so much of the opposite message.  We dropped everything and took a vacation day at beautiful Devil's Lake on Thursday to just play.  I think that was the first time I actually outlasted his energy level, when he fell asleep in the car even before we left the park.  We now have a new pump in the well so are enjoying running water at home again.  Rather than dread moving away, all the blooming flowers and the booming garden make it easy to really appreciate where we're living right now.

This has violated all my blog rules of thumb:  keep it short, narrowly focused, and positive, and add lots of pictures.  Yet it's here for me to look back upon in the future when I will have forgotten it all. There's even the tiny chance that anyone else dedicated enough to read all the way through this has seen some point of similarity or felt some camaraderie of shared experience that gives encouragement.  God is faithful and good, and His blessings are abundant even when we are so easily blinded to them.